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Kelli's getting Vaginal Rejuvination

from Misc. by Amanda White

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about

Somebody commissioned me to write a song with this title. Basically because that person is awesome.

lyrics

She was never a whore,
just the toast of Patterson.
Never one to keep score,
or track, or her panties on.
She coulda been a porno star,
but Kelli wouldn't go that far
'Cept that once in LA,
which didn't count 'cause it was lesbian.
Last week Kelli, with uncharactaristic conviction
Swore that she would regain her sense of clitoral friction
So we're heading on a plane to Californ-i-a
So the doctors can help our Kelli fornicate.
Oh Kelli's getting vaginal rejuvination
And I'm going to hold her hand.

Kelli what's in the box,
Is it cheese or sausages?
Don't you know that good things always come
in small packagaes?
But we're not calling UPS,
We're sending out an SOS.
Just a matter of time
'til it starts taking hostages.
Kelli called up a surgeon to the stars' vaginas
And she weighed out the plusses to fix us her minus
So she gathered up her pennies from Delila's Den
So her old friend could see the light of day again.
Oh Kelli's getting vaginal rejuvination
And I'm going to hold her hand.

It's a long and shady road from a hussy of 15
to a barely legal slut
to the BJ giving queen.
So Kelli's taking back what is her goddam-given right:
A hymen that's intact and a girlie part that's tight.

If you take the grand tour of East and West Patterson
Spend an evening or more in its finest attraction.
Kelli's been reborn at last, like a phoenix from the ash.
Little kitty like new, go ahead and pat her, son.
So if you're losing wall strength or elasticity
bring the fountain of youth to your sweet little kitty.
All your sins will be washed away when you're baptized
And your sex life is surgically rejuvinized.
Oh Kelli's getting vaginal rejuvination
and I'm going to hold her hand.

Whoah, Kelli's getting vaginal rejuvination
and I'm going to hold her hand.

credits

from Misc., released November 30, 2002
Amanda White, vocals, guitar, songwriter.

license

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about

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Amanda White Salem, Massachusetts

Classically trained singer who performs both opera and original rock.

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